"... one night in Cititel...

... ten folds of chaos..."

I've been seriously paced out on the days I'm in. Parties from morning till night, then night to mornings. Colorful... just colorful...

This is not my usual entry, just thought that my blog is getting rather dull with no pictures of any sort. I know not many enjoys my ideology:P

Yea yea... Pictures tells a thousand words no?

So here it is... my life in the weekends... and err... after...

Cititel bathroom escapade...

Young girls grow fast don't they?
Kids... don't try this at home... it's not fucking easy...
Michelle, Lui Lui and a pedophile...

My prized God sis in an event on Monday in Midvalley. She is in the one in the middle with frizzy hair. Damn proud of her. Love you Mui:)

And here is a video on the performance:)

j0nb

"... it's hard trying to be someone...
... it's even harder being yourself... "

Disappointment arises when you are not what you are expected to be. Seriously I don't give 2 hoots about what people think. But what happens if you don't even like who you are in the first place?

...

Mentality of mine was never accepted and shunned. Rationalism of mine is despised and crucified. Alienated from the aspect of humanism. Best part of all, I just love to prove myself I'm wrong.

Just hoping I could at least sit on a fence and look things at both ways, but no... I choose to overdo things to the extent of arising confusion. It never seemed to matter, but when it starts to hurt people around you, and you think that you don't care... hypocrisy.

As the weekend has ended on a very stressed note, I can't imagine how long I can actually do this. Everything around me is getting affected for a fact of a perception of selfishness on my part. I tried to enjoy myself minus the babysitting, it was not all that bad. Only downside of this, they wanted more. I accommodated... they wanted more.

Maybe it is time to start taking, then maybe I will learn how to love myself thus love everyone else.

j0nb

"... finally the dust settles...
... um... lets kick it up again!!..."

All has been said and done...

Cards was on the table...

No more hypocrisy... procrastination... minus the seduction.

I just feel I am really out of my own league. Too tired too even pass the ball to anyone else. Just felt like letting the ball drop and roll to where ever it pleases. I hate the fights, the animosity. Just needed the tranquility for once.

Wait... once?

I have been seeking tranquil since the moment I know I was deep in the game. I knew if I turn back, I turn back for good. Maybe I was not ready for that. Maybe I dig myself in deeper whenever I pulled myself out every time. And every time I manage...

... and I finally realize...

I love this game Goddammit!!!

... yeah yeah... put a bullet through me... then maybe I can get some peace...

j0nb

"... complications in simplicity...
... simplified complications..."

They can't understand.

The strong words, complex language engineering and beating around the bush. This is what they allow themselves to see. This goes very well with our lives itself.

We tend to make things in our lives a little complicated sometimes. How when things are pretty darn straight forward, we just have to come up with something so that it will enter through your bloody ears and brain-fucks you. Amazingly, we can never have enough of that.

Spending our years, toiling in soil, somehow anyone with the right mind will not make things harder for us. No one... but ourselves.

I think this is what basically kept us alive for so long. The curiosity, expansion on enhanced emotions and the unnecessary knowledge. We thrive for it, we hunger for it, we want it. No matter how certain some people are against it, there is no denying we craved for the difficulty itself. We challenge the easy and worship the hard.

As a result... we improve, we grow, we learn, we earn. If not... we ain't human.

... but then again... I might be wrong.

j0nb

p/s: I'm sorry Clarence, I promised that this would be an easier one but I just could not denigrate the value of the complexity of this blog... hahaha~!!

"... things happened for a reason...
... why the hell do I care?..."

This have been definitely exhilarating for the past entire month. Recalling the past week itself has been an entire nightmare. I have been trying to be subtle with my entries, many could not comprehend. I wish I could be normal...

... me, normal, *laughs*

I have been drugging myself... with a close threat to addiction.

I got myself involved with minors of 18s... and with almost one lower than that.

I have been in a real fire, saved it and out of... a bloody nightclub.

... me, subtle, *laughs*

All my initial entries was revolving around the epic endeavors I have been facing. So it really does not matter if any of my sheeplings do not understand. I wish I could clarify on the details, but I rather choose not to.

Why?

Well, if I tell it straight to your face, where is the fun in that?

*laughs*


j0nb

"...when lying is working...
...working is lying..."

The moment of truth never really existed whilst in the midst of only believing what you wanted to see. You were sitting there, hoping clashing of glances, mixed feelings and display of fake emotions and yes, we have managed to lie. We need not care to whom we were lying to, someone, ourselves. In the spur of the moment, we chose the best course of action is to be what we are not in avoidance to being judged, the prejudice and the ambiance of uneasiness.

Is it worth it?

This does not seemed to matter when you know deep down inside, the suffocation of truth consumes you. The demise of integrity, leaves you empty and shallow, filling the void with falsehood of surreal facts.

Is it worth it?

I suppose... hard work... pays off.

j0nb

"... 99.9% will choose the easiest way...
... but the hardest way is what we hoped it is easy..."

Have it not have happened under those circumstances, I would have not been this perplexed. The answer was obvious but we chose to ponder and giving ourselves an excuse not to pick the way that is deemed rational. Hesitation, frustration... and finally we give in... giving in to a choice that we do not want but need, do not believe but see, do not try but easy. This is a decision we believe allows us to reach our motive, whether the journey is painful or not.

We choose to be denial, unaware that it is giving a pain that is sublime, in which result to numbness towards the sensitivity of others. This immunity allows you to think rationally, act maturely and see clearly.

But there is one tiny glint of thought in the corner of everyone's mind...

What if....?

That glint of hope is the beacon that will give us a memory that will last us a lifetime... and a lifetime of regret.

j0nb

"... everyone has a price tag...
...mine's just pricier..."

This statement is unrelated to any financial status quo. This is just to say that I personally believe, anyone, just everyone, can be manipulated. I wouldn't have got myself a RM452 hairdo today if I was not...

Being a sucker for the same reason as always, and seriously, I don't need any of you to remind me of my incapability to resist my apparent downfall. Hence this has made me realized that, everyone is either being suckered, sucked, or sucking-up to either something/ someone. That's pretty a lot of sucking I might say.

Now I wonder... what's her price tag...? Things would have been alot easier...

j0nb

"... out of the fire, into the furnace...

... doesn't mean I didn't like what I saw..."

Everyone just needs a little push, if not by decision to make certain mistakes in their life in which in a cost of eternity remorse.

... but at that very moment... did I like what I was doing?
... it was and always been a yes.

Therefore it is not to an astonishment in someones lives that we petty humans set a certain principality, a certain benchmark, a guideline and a zen of life to follow by in order that what we expect at the end of the road is what is expected in the end... Seriously, you are not buying that are you?

No... we choose to live the best of today, enjoy tonight and fuck tomorrow. It happens to the best of us, cause if it did not happened to you, you better start living dear.

How about tomorrow?

Look at my face... Do you think I care?

The face of a remorseful man...

j0nb