"... ripping the plaster off the wound...

... you ripped the wound bigger..."

This metaphor is just wrong. A quick and fast pain which leaves you with a bigger scar.

Then you realized, why didn't you just leave it in the first place? With or without it, that scar ain't going away.

I am constantly being reminded of how a failure I can be. The more I tend to it, the more I see myself going back to where it began but worst.

Now all I need is just a bigger plaster.

Shouldn't I be immuned by now?

j0nb

"... men and women talk...
... chicken and duck talk..."

I don't even have to ask and I know that the majority out there agrees.

Half of the time you do not understand why are they acting this way, be it man or women. Mostly people would assume what the other person is thinking. But by doing that, you in evidently made yourself to believe the other party's intention was inclining to your favor, which is natural, in which explains the nature of our existence.

Truth is, it works both ways. It is better if you realize it sooner.

Many people out there believe the essence of a good relationship revolves around the key ingredient, TRUST. Little did we know that the act without a doubt is indeed a very noble one, but in reality, it is actually giving up on understanding others.

That has nothing to do with the word trust but instead it is apathy.

You might have believed that trusting other was good and doubting people was bad. In return, you would have hardly understand anyone as you have chose to be apathetic towards other people's feelings.

In a nutshell, doubt them. It is just another form of getting to know them.

Think of it this way,

... we are farm animals after all ^_^"


j0nb

"... the grass is always greener on the other side...

... seriously it's not the grass, it's just greed..."

It is not enough isn't it?

You look at the person next to you and you want to be in their shoes.
Have what they are having.
Believe me that this is all natural.

How I wish it is just grass that I want...


j0nb

"... a love story of a realist...
... should never be told..."

It was the same as anyone first thought it would. The sight, the scent, the voice and the attention. Your senses heightened by even the slightest relation to it. Your heart race, you gasp and the rush. You can't explain what it is, you can't gauge how significant it is, but one thing for sure it drives you. Driven unconsciously doing things that your usual sane self would be reluctant to.

Yes, it was the same.

Your day brought more meaning. Just a glimpse and you know your day was complete.

... but slowly....

... you hunger for more.

Then you reached to the point of do or die. You became an opportunist, seizing every precious moment whenever you could to send the message across. And when it does, the state of euphoria and bliss.

You lost judgments of things. You look into the moment and never once you look back.

Until...

_________________________

It all started out the same. What it made you become it is an entirely different story.

That tear you shed.
The promise you made to yourself.
Never ever again.

To be exploited and giving in.

But it happens again and again.

___________________________

Hours of waiting. Presents you shower. Understanding and forgiving given. Your patience know no bounds. And you know you will fall for it over and over.

Just because you think that, this time is different.

But until then you will laugh at the face of it now. Anything revolves around it looks weak. The thought of it is repulsive to you and the idea repels. Stripping yourself bare from it, on the contrary gives you the armor against it. And now you believe you are protected...

until...


j0nb

"... millions of you...
... one of me..."

This entry, we will be contemplating on one of the most inconspicuous and irregular subject of all time.

"Can a person... really change?"

Initially I suggest that it boils down to the differences in people and character. How could you differentiate between how a person is or was? Phases in life determines our maturity level, but changing US... it is indeed very subjective.

In the end, what YOU are hoping for might never happen.

So what are you waiting for then?


j0nb

"... telling the truth...
... is probably the biggest lie after all... "

What is exactly the difference? Between lying and telling the truth when both can actually cause the exact same pain if not.

If you do not realize that we lie almost everyday just to dampen our sensitivity towards hurt and pain that is inflicted on our feelings and pride. Waking up every morning and telling yourself it is a good day. Looking into the mirror and call yourself beautiful. Walking 2km to school and telling yourself it is a good exercise. Little did you know, optimism, just another form of lying.

But there is no justifications to people who tries to fabricate a certain picture in your head to turn a bad situation around can be socially unacceptable. And the only reason to that is because it involves YOU.

Yeah, you would prefer someone being honest and telling the truth. You would prefer someone who tells you what they really feel or think about you. You would choose to hear their sincere explanation when they have done something wrong.

Now here's a perspective.

"... You are ugly and boring as hell!!! You think you know everything but I do not agree with you and the only main reason I am still here with you is because you make me look like a better person just by standing next to you."

Sincere and honest statement... which sounded so wrong. The irony to this, you want to hear it yet you hoped it be subtle. You are scarred either way. The tinge of doubt and the pain have been inflicted, be it the truth or not.

Advice?

Manipulate your statement to reflect at the receivers emotion and being empathetic to its response. Fabricate your perspective so the receiver could relate to their own and conclude your ideology being similar to one another.

See... that's is not even hard.









Either that... or you could just LIE :P



j0nb

"... most impressions...
... are failed expressions..."

You know when they say "do not judge a book by its cover"? The main reason why many authors out there are pissed broke.

But by saying that, why do they make it sound like it is our fault?

I mean, how could I know if a book is good, if not by looking at its covers? I can't be reading the whole book to decide if it is a good book right? I can't be spending my entire time reading through all the books just the find the right one when I could be better off finding a good cover and then hope for it to be a good book.

What if that is not a good book?

Then find another one. You be better off trying out 5 nicely covered books rather than reading 1 book just to find out it sucks. And chances are, you will have a nice cover, with a nice plot, and a great ending, all in one book.

But we aren't talking about books are we?

The misconceptions about a certain individual lies in its affinity to perceive people. I wouldn't be surprised that many out there find me not the way they first met.

No one would believe that I was once a faggot. I sew, played with Barbie and friends, tried Loreal eyeshadow, and fitted perfectly in a MnG dress.

I had no idea what sex was until I was 18. My first kiss was robbed from me by girl which I do not fancy. The only cussing I ever made till 18 was "... your backside-lah"

...

That was out of topic, but nevermind.

Now I am having a hard time trying to convince my peers I am not what they perceived me to be. But like I said before, it is not their fault.

I wrote the book, remember?

j0nb

"... if it's not worthwhile doing...
... it's not productive..."

Don't tell a person who plays games a waste of his time.

You just don't know how much he can earn from it.
You just don't know it's a multi-billion dollar business.
You just don't know its a real job.
You just don't know that not everyone can play.
You just don't know how smart he is.

Seriously, I can say the same for you too...

You are wasting your time in studying, when what you studied might be proven wrong.
You are wasting you time in saving, when what you save you might lost.
You are just wasting your time by sleeping; when you sleep you are doing nothing.

So yeah... I play games.

My current fetish,

In case you do not know what in heaven's name is that, I am spending truckloads on coloured paper which has been around since 1993. That card right there, cost you RM85. A piece of high-graded paper with 2 inch of art equals to a nice meal in a posh restaurant. Stupid?

There's more.

My first FNM (Friday Night Magic)- (an organized play where people who plays Magic the Gathering Trading Card game meets up to play against one another and gather points in a computerize system to gain ranks or to qualify yourself to play in the tournaments.), I would never in my right mind think that there would be so many people actually spend their money to be playing this kinda game. It is basically a huge community consisting huge numbers of matured married working adults, playing and trading. Prizes from hundreds to millions in tournaments have been proven. Crazy?

I do not know their reason for playing. They might be real geeks or otherwise.

Me?...

I am just bored.

j0nb